Maybe NOW She'll Understand

As I write this blog, 2 beautiful little girls are missing. Their names are Lyric and Elizabeth and they disappeared this past Friday from by Meyer's Lake in Evansdale. My heart aches for their families. This frightens me. Emma quite often goes on runs or walks by herself. She takes different routes which is a GOOD thing for the most part. I always tell her a specific time that she has to be back home but as many of you know, Em tends to lose track of time and forgets to call if she is going to be late. When I told Em about these 2 little girls I think it scared her. I'm glad it did. Maybe NOW she'll understand why I want her to check in and always, always have her cell phone with her. This just makes me want to NOT let her go out by herself but I can't do that. She needs to be a teenager and it's taken me a long time to let her do the things that other kids her age do. She wants to go to football games this fall at the dome with her friends, go to the mall, just generally hang out and I know in my heart she needs to do this but man oh man I am scared to let her go!! But I will. 


I know it's been a long time since I've blogged. So many things have happened since February, some good, some not so good. Think I'll stick to the good things!


We went to Portland, OR to visit Laura in early June. Allison got to go this time too. We left on June 3 and returned on June 18. The trip was beautiful. The mountains and ocean are breathtaking! I could easily live in the Northwest and be very, very happy there. Maybe someday...
We got to see Reptile Gardens on the way, as well as Bear Country, Wall Drug, Crazy Horse, Mount Rushmore, Old Faithful in Yellowstone, and Needles Highway. While in Portland we went to The Oregon Museum of Science and Industry where we spent the entire day trying to figure out scientific puzzles, playing Connect Four with a robot, learning about tornadoes, hurricanes, tsunami's, volcanoes, and earthquakes. We also toured a submarine. While in Portland we ate at so many different types of restaurants that I can't even remember them all! We shopped in the "hippie" district, went to Powell's New and Used Books, Voo Doo Doughnuts, spent an entire day at the ocean and watched the sunset there as well, and we also got to meet the guys from the group, The Dirty Words. Em was thrilled that they signed a bandana for her. They are all very nice guys. Allison and I even went to one of their shows. While there I acquired a taste for Kombucha. No, it is NOT alcoholic. It is what I call a cure all for what ails you. :) Seriously, it is very good! They don't sell the kind that I had in Portland here in Cedar Falls which is a bummer. The stuff here isn't as good. 


This blog post had gotten long enough. More next time. :)

Too Much of a Good Thing...

Yes, I know. It's been awhile. Just really didn't have anything to blog about. Life in the Meier household continues to be hectic. Nothing new there. :)

Laura was home for a week over Christmas break which was wonderful. There is always a lot of laughter when she's here. Emma misses her terribly and we can't wait to go see her in June. Big plans for the trip! This time we are going to allow 2 weeks for travel and fun. I plan on spending an entire day at the ocean as I have fallen in love with its beauty. And of course there will be another visit to Powell's Bookstore and VooDoo Donuts! Yummers! This time I want to spend a few hours in the Pearl District in the small shops and organic eateries. Emma would like to travel to Washington State as well to Forks. :)

Enough with the chit chat. On to Emma.

Emma. Hmm. Emma is Emma. She's wonderful, charismatic, crazy, smart, beautiful, stubborn, and oh so like her mother. If you've kept up with my sporadic blogging then you know that Em has ADHD and I have ADD. It can lead to many an argument over silly little things and wondering who is more stubborn. That being said I think she actually figured out today that I'm not as clueless as to how a teenager feels and thinks as she thought I was. Em has been really stressed out for the past few weeks. I tried to tell her it was because she was trying to do too much but since teenagers know everything she wouldn't listen to me. It was getting to the point where she wasn't herself anymore. She wasn't sleeping well, she was always tired, she couldn't concentrate, couldn't remember to show up for practices on time for the variety show and she just felt overwhelmed by everything. She thought she could do it all even though doing it all was making her physically sick to her stomach and causing headaches. She felt like she couldn't tell her friends and teachers NO that she just couldn't do this or that or help with this or that. Today she decided enough was enough. She took my advice and dropped out of the Variety Show. She actually tried to drop out over a week ago but the teachers called me and talked me into letting her stay in. Little did I know that she WANTED to drop out but didn't know how to tell them. Poor kid. I got an e-mail from one of the teachers today telling me that they thought she should quit which kind of made me angry because it was that same teacher that talked me into keeping her in it!! Of course I let her know that that is what I had told her and the other 2 teachers just a week ago. How can I tell my child not to let people talk or bully them into something when I let it happen to me.?! I knew dropping out of the show was the best thing for her but when I had 3 teachers all talking to me via a conference call when I was on a quick break at work I felt like I had no choice but to let them talk me into it. If I had it to do over again would I have given in?? No, I would have stuck to my guns and told them no, especially now that I know how stressed Em was feeling. She already goes to 2 dance classes on Monday nights, play practice on Sunday afternoons, Science Club on Weds. after school, CHAOS on Weds. nights, and she works 3 hours every Sunday in a church nursery. Add onto that Women's choir practice on Weds. mornings at 7:00 am and during part of her lunch time during the school day and Variety Show practice everyday after school, plus trying to keep up in her honors math class and it was just too darn much for her to handle. Em may consider her ADHD a gift of sorts but sometimes it "gets in the way." I am really proud of the fact that she finally realized that it's OK to let go of something to keep your sanity intact. Besides that, my sanity was suffering too. We are both feeling so much less stressed which will hopefully lead to a little less arguing in the mornings before work/school. Or maybe not. ;)

And on to the next story...

I just realized that it has been months since I have blogged. It's not that I have nothing to say, it's just that I didn't feel like blogging.

It's been a busy, busy few months. The most exciting thing that went on is that Mark, Emma and I took a trip to Portland, OR to visit Laura. She moved there at the end of July. On the way to Oregon we got to see Mount Rushmore, Crazy Horse, a little bit of the Black Hills, Yellowstone National Park and Old Faithful. Once in Portland we had to pack a lot into 3 days but we managed to do some of the things we wanted to do. We went to a HUGE bookstore that takes up an entire city block and is 4 stories tall. Em loved it! We spent hours there and came home with a ton of books. They sell used and new books so I was able to find some classics which I have been wanting to re-read. The Pearl & Grapes of Wrath are 2 of my favorite. We also stood in line for 45 minutes just to go to Voo Doo Doughnuts which was well worth the wait! It is open 24 hours a day and always busy. My favorite part was watching the sunset over the ocean. It took my breath away. I didn't want to leave! We were at the ocean area where the movie, "The Goonies", was filmed. COOL! We ate at a lot of fun and funky places too. A lot of organic foods which I loved. We bought a bracelet from a sidewalk artist (as I call them) who was very talented, kind and fun to watch. He seemed surprised that we were interested in watching him work and wanted to buy something from him.

While we were there we stayed with Laura and her roommates and their dog, Todd. Huge German Shepherd. Thanks goodness he liked us! He took to Em right away. He loved it whenever I'd go into his master's bedroom to do laundry and I'd scratch his belly.

Of course the best part of Portland was getting to spend time with Laura. I miss her terribly but Portland is a good fit for her. Her friends are really nice I think it was good for her to make a fresh start somewhere new. :)

On to another subject. I am redoing the inside of the house...painting, new furniture, tearing out carpets...you get the picture. Em's room is my project for tomorrow. I am scared to go in there! It is definitely her domain! I stated redoing it about 3 years ago and never got it finished but I am bound and determined to get it done!! She wants to have friends spend the night and right now it is impossible. I plan on getting the 2nd bunk form her bunk bed back from her broseph so there is room for guests again and so her sister has somewhere to sleep when she comes to visit over Christmas. Come on December! Hurry up and come so I can see Laura!

OH!!!! I bought a puppy! Her name is Riley and she is a little go getter! 4 pounds of energy and fun. She is 1/2 dachshund, 1/4 terrier, and 1/4 chihuahua. She is just what I need to make me laugh. She chases the cats we have all over the house but only in fun! She wrestles with our biggest cat, Shadow, a lot. He weighs about 20 pounds and is careful not to hurt her. When she was sick a few nights ago, he let her lay on him to rest. :)

Well, Em is now in 8th grade. She really likes all of her teachers even though a couple of them are pretty tough. She actually likes those 2 the best. Funny thing is, one of them has a reputation of being kind of gruff and a really hard teacher. He has been fantastic for her. They get along wonderfully and he is so kind and always willing to answer any questions she has and explain things that baffle her. From what Allison tells me, that is very unusual for him. Em got to know him last year when he was her study hall teacher and I think that helped. Conferences are next week so I am anxious to meet him.

Things haven't been all roses for the past few months. There have been some thorns along the way. Em is 13 and that should explain a lot of it. I know all kids are different and having to deal with her ADHD has stressed me out more than I like to admit. There are mornings when I go into work so stressed that I have to pray to God to help me make it through the day after an extremely rough morning with Em. She is a real sweetheart but stubborn as all get out--kind of like her mom. I never clashed this badly with my other 2 girls or at least not that I remember. I know that it takes about 20 minutes before her meds. kick in so I should just give her that time to be a little bit loud and disorganized but sometimes we just don't have that time. I told her that from now on she is in charge of getting herself up and making sure she is ready on time to leave because I am tired of fighting with her to get ready and keep focused. She wasn't too happy about it because she really doesn't hear her alarm when she sleeps on her good ear so I did agree to wake her up IF she sleeps through her alarm but I won't keep going in her room to make sure she's up. So far it has worked well for the most part but we've only tried it for the past few days. My alarm for her is letting the puppy jump on her and lick her face until she wakes up. :) Riley loves it but Em isn't too sure that waking up that way is that much fun. LOL. Depends on the day.

Oh goodness! This blog has gone on a bit too long. Guess I'll say--to be continued. :)

Thinking about growing up

I think it's about time that I blogged again. I've been thinking a lot today about when I was young and growing up with my 7 brothers and sisters on a farm near Gilbertville. I LOVED the farm. It was my salvation from everything that I wasn't comfortable with.

When I was 3 years old I fell off of the porch onto the cement and broke off my 2 front teeth. If that wasn't bad enough I had to have what was left of those 2 teeth pulled out by our dentist who for some reason didn't give me any anesthetic. I developed quite the lisp after that which I had until sometime in 2nd grade or so. I was terribly shy already and this made me more so. I never wanted to answer questions in school so the teachers thought I wasn't very bright. They sent me to a reading recovery teacher who was supposed to teach me to read. Imagine her surprise when I could read and comprehend perfectly. She continued to work with me anyway to boost my self-confidence. The lisp went away but when I actually started to offer answers in class the stuttering started. I was just so nervous that whenever I had to actually say more than one or two words I stuttered horribly. Needless to say, I wasn't exactly a social butterfly. I did manage to make some really good friends who didn't care about my faults and accepted me for who I was. (Thanks Karen. You were and are the best!) I didn't exactly love school but I was a pretty good student. I had to study my butt off for the good grades I got but I thought everyone did. Studying was difficult for me. I couldn't stay focused for very long on what I was supposed to be studying and often times would have to cram the night before for a huge test even though I'd try to study the material weeks in advance. Try doing that when your mind stays focused on one subject for about a minute and a half. Now, of course, I realize that I was struggling with ADD. I still do. I can't even sit and read for more than 10 or maybe 15 minutes at a time or I have to go back and re-read everything because my mind jumps from one thought to another to another even though I try not to let it.

High school wasn't half bad. I loved my teachers. They seemed to understand my struggle to succeed and the math teachers would often spend extra time trying to get my mind to comprehend what they were teaching me. English/Language Arts was super, super easy for me (not sentence structure but the creative writing and journalism part of it.) I thrived with the written word. It was my thing. I also loved being in plays and chorus. I never stuttered on stage. I was comfortable there. It wasn't me. I was the character I was playing. I was also quite a talented singer. I even sang solos quite often. I loved it.

Fast forward to radiology school. I was still quite shy which isn't exactly a good thing when you have to deal with doctors and patients everyday. I never had a problem with the patients. I really liked interacting with them. I always managed to make them feel at ease. I was also one of the best at putting in IV's and would quite often be asked to do the pediatric and geriatric patients. I never missed.

It took me awhile but I finally became comfortable interacting with 3 of the 4 radiologists I had to work with on a daily basis. One of them however made me SO nervous that I would stutter severely whenever I had to work with him. That kind of sucked. :)

I never quite fit in with my co-workers from the X-Ray department but I didn't really care because my main job was doing CT scans and the people in that department were awesome!

Fast forward to my life now. I know I skipped a lot of years but the stuttering eventually subsided for the most part except when I get really nervous and I found a job where I feel comfortable and needed. I am not the introvert I once was. Yes, I am still on the quiet side compared to a lot of people, but I LOVE my job and the kids I work with and my co-workers. I can be myself and not be judged because the kids kind of like my silliness and the fact that I treat them with respect and they know that I love them. I am also very, very good at what I do. I am not trying to brag. I am just stating a fact. People often tell me that it takes a special kind of person to do what I do. I don't know if this is true. I think it's the special kids at the school I work with who deserve the credit. They inspire me each and every day to do my best and be the best person I can be.

A Difficult Couple of Months

Once in awhile things just seem to spiral out of control. I think it all started when we had to let Pepper go. That was difficult. A few days after that I started to have ear problems again then Em got a stomach virus and ear infection again. She missed 2 days of school which is difficult for her because she panics when she can't get her school work done when it's due.
I ended up getting a tube put in my left ear which was supposed to help the pain and the hearing loss. Well, the pain is better most of the time but the hearing loss is actually worse.
Then Mom's health started to decline. I guess I knew this day was coming but nothing can prepare a person for losing someone they love so very dearly. I spent as much time as I could with her for the 3 weeks before she passed away. I took Em to school early just so I could be with Mom before I went to work each morning. I'd go to work and then pick Em up from school, get her to wherever she needed to be or get her settled working on her homework and then head back up to the nursing home to spend a few more hours with her each night. Sometimes I'd get home before 10:00 and sometimes it would be midnight or later. I just didn't want to leave her. The next day I'd do the same thing. Sometimes my kids would come with me if I didn't stay too late at night. I loved spending time with my mom. At the same time, I felt guilty for not being home with Em. I know she understands why I needed to be with my mom but she still felt a little bit lost and scared. The night Mom passed away was both a blessing and one of the most difficult nights in my life. I was so happy for her. She was finally going to be with my dad and would be pain free and whole again. But, at the same time, I knew that I would never see her again in this earthly life. It took forever for my heart to begin healing after losing my dad suddenly nearly 4 years ago. I hate having to go through this again. I miss my mom so much. She has been my best friend as well as my mom ever since I can remember. She was a gentle, loving, non-judgmental angel. She was my angel. I don't know how many people knew this but my mom loved angels. She passed that love along to me. She also passed along her passion for being a mom. She was THE BEST mom. If I am half the mom that she was then I'll be happy. Mom, I know that you and Dad are happy being together again. I just miss you both. Sending my love to heaven.

A Very Difficult Day

This morning was an especially difficult morning for the girls and me. We had to take our dog, Pepper, to the vet to have him put to sleep. We've had Pep for nearly 17 years. Besides the fact that he had become deaf in recent years, he also had doggie dementia. Up until the moment he left us he was still smiling at us and giving us lots of love. I know that when some dogs get old they get cranky and unfriendly. Not Pepper. He was still as loving and spirited as he was when he was a puppy. Everyone that ever knew him loved him. I kid you not. That was how special he was. He LOVED everyone! He even loved our cats. :) I am going to miss him laying at the foot of my bed at night and keeping me warm. Every once in awhile he'd sneak up and lay right by me if it was storming. He was my companion when I couldn't sleep at night. I would sometimes get frustrated when he would follow me all over the house and he did that all the time. I've tripped over him more than once when I didn't realize he was under-foot. I know that he followed me because he just wanted to be close to me. He was my little sweetheart. Good-bye buddy. I love you.

Sometimes it just gets to me.

The past 2 days have been a little difficult. Em's tic disorder has been very pronounced and nearly constant in the evenings. I try to get her to concentrate on other things or stay busy because sometimes that helps. It hasn't been helping. I feel like such a bad mom but it really, really grinds on my nerves some days and today is one of those days. I know that most of the time it is involuntary and can't be helped but I still scold her sometimes. I even told her that if she didn't try to control it tonight she had to go upstairs where I didn't have to hear it. Right now she is watching a movie which may or may not help a bit. It is very unpredictable. This happens a couple times a year and usually lasts about 2 weeks or so then it gets better again. I am just afraid that if the kids at school hear this high pitched squeaking, they'll make fun of her. I know her true friends won't. They know about it. Will her new friends understand why she makes these noises? I just don't know.